The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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