ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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