My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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