so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
