tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
