Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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