why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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