she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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