I just saw a hot homeless man
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
