I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
