I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
