ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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