We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just forgot I was standing up.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
