a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
bring money and cleavage
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
