I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This is my gift to your gina
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
