He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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