I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
