Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
