I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
