i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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