Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
