I'm going to jail i love you
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...