If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.