Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.