So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
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so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?