Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships