lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's always time for handjobs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
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I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.