trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.