Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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