so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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