That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
