So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
