Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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