What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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