apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
