I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
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Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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