if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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