I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
