Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize