oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
