There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
