Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
