so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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