You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
