I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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