good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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