glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
