life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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