I wish I could teleport
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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