dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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