Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
