In America we eat man semen.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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