she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
