I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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