All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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