i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
