if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
