Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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