It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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