3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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