ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
