Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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