I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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